Less than Nothing
by Nenilein
Summary: An Inner Monologue, set during the Final Battle of Terra's Story in "Birth by Sleep", inspired by the battle's background music, "Rage Awakened". When you have already lost everything a being can loose, what reason is there left to fight?


_My first KH story? Years after I joined here? Something must be wrong with this world... :-P  
>Anyway, I took half a year to decide if I should submit it or not. I think it's not that good but friends told me it was, so, eh...<em>

_Huge spoilers for the end of Terra's Story in BbS. Read at your own risk._

* * *

><p><em>"Your body submits, your heart succumbs, so why does your mind resist?"<em>

_Yes, why… Why…_

How much I wish I'd understand. How much I wish I could answer this question. But in order to understand, I must understand my own feelings first. And how to understand my feelings, when you have taken them from me? How to answer your question when you have even stolen my voice?

Yes, why. Why, indeed.

I have no idea. All I know is that I am here. And that I am not here at all at the same time.

This isn't me. Nothing of this is me. Nothing of me is here, in this spot where I stand.

I can't feel my steps, can't feel the ground under my feet. Can't even feel the weight of my own Keyblade.

I step forward, run forward, towards you, towards him, towards _me_… Towards myself.

But he is faster than me. He steps aside, swings his blade and hits me.

A dull, metallic sound rings out as the Keyblade hits my armor. I know that the strike was severe. I would have screamed. If this was 'me'. But this isn't me. And I know this.

So I don't scream. Why should I scream, when I don't even feel the pain? How should I scream when I don't even have a voice?

What a thought this is… knowing that this armor, which protects me, is empty. There is no human being leading its limbs, no body it could shield…

If that is so, where am I then? The 'me' who thinks those thoughts?

Where am I? _How_ am I?

Am I sad? Am I scared? Am I raging?

How should I know, when there is no one who could tell me? Not even myself.

I block the next attack aimed at my armor by this man. Then, I charge.

Charging and blocking… Charging and blocking…

What am I even charging for? What am I hoping to achieve? Am I trying to do anything? Can I acquire anything? The way "I" am now?

I don't know.

I don't know what I can do… or how, or why.

What remains to me is a last thought… my heart's last thought…

"_I mustn't let him go through with this."_

I mustn't. I mustn't at all cost. This is my heart's last will to this mind… now that this mind can't even hear this heart's voice anymore, it is all that remained.

And as long as I can use my Keyblade… As long as I can raise it against this man, I will use it. Even if it means my end.

The end of my body. And the end of my heart.

As long as I can still move even one stone in this world, I will use it to struggle. So this man will not hurt them.

I can still see them in my mind. See their faces, hear their laughs. Watch them sit under the same stars in those memories, which I can still hold onto.

I can see Aqua, the young woman with her calm, peaceful smile on her face. I can see Ven, the curious young boy, who always looked up to the sky, to the stars. And I can see Terra, the young man who attempted and hoped to reach those stars.

But those are memories.

This isn't 'me'. I am not the man called 'Terra'. Not anymore.

And, I wonder… what is a will alone, without a true body and without a true heart? Do I… Does 'it' even exist? Without a voice, without anything [but] the drive to fight one last desperate struggle?

There he stands. This man is 'me' now. My heart and body… and his heart and soul. And yet, I look at him… and don't even see myself.

Was 'I' erased?

The 'me' who stands here, right here where I stand, isn't 'me'. All that remained is the mind, after all. Not the heart. And not even the body.

What am I, without this?

A will without its source of drive. Driven by one memory and one thought.

I am less than nothing…

Time goes by, as we keep struggling. But I don't grow tired. My limbs don't grow numb and I feel no pain. Without a body, exhaustion can't capture and defeat me, after all. All that could happen was this armor breaking. But if this armor was to break… what would become of 'me' then?

How come I am still moving regardless? How come I can still raise my sword against him, who has become me and taken everything I had? Where does my drive come from, if not from my heart?

I can hear her laughing — the young woman called Aqua. Can see her cheering for Terra, as his training exhausts him. She gives him strength.

I can see him jumping, one fist up in the air — the young boy called Ventus. Can see his eyes shining in respect and admiration for this same Terra. And so he, too, gives him strength.

And I know that I want to see them again. That even my mind wants to hear Aqua laugh once more. That even my mind wants to see Ventus smile once more.

I want to make one more memory… of the three of them sitting together, united under the same sky.

I know I won't make it. It is impossible.

I know my enemy better than anybody else. A mere armor won't defeat him. But I can try. Can at least attempt to give my last piece of strength for this desperate hope. For my heart, the voice I have lost. And for them.

Even without a voice, without being able to feel and without truly understanding, I can still fight. As long as I exist, I will use every pebble I can move to struggle against this man before me.

Even if I'm less than nothing.

I don't know if I will ever be part of this heart and this body again… if Iwill be rightfully, and for all purposes, 'him' again. This man called "Terra". But I can hope.

If this "Terra" had just one last chance to meet them… I would not repeat the mistakes of the past.

The blind naivety… all the wrong decisions… all the misguided hatred and misled rage… everything that let things turn out the way they did…

I want to undo it. I want to set it all right again. And then, I would step up to them. As me. As 'Terra.' I want to look into their eyes and tell them, "I'm sorry."

Maybe I will never rightfully 'be' again. Maybe this body before me will not die as "Terra", but as "Xehanort." But as long as this man can be stopped, I will accept anything.

Even if it means becoming even less than I already am.

What is to become of me? A will and discarded armor? What place is there in this world for one who is even less than nothing?

I don't know.

But as long as even a spark of the man called 'Terra' exists, this spark will not allow this man to have his way. Or to hurt them.

May this spark be my will or my heart.

Whatever there is left, it will fight.

Till the bitter end.


End file.
